Saying Goodbye to Mom

In Loving Memory

Mary Jean Bragg

January 15, 1928 – September 30, 2011

As we sat beside our Mom in the final days and hours of her earthly life, I noticed a single tear making its way down her cheek. Surrounded by those she had devoted her life to care for, and as we were reflecting on now distant memories of our lives together, there was no way of knowing if it was a tear of joy or of pain. She knew, but she could not tell us.

I caught that tear, and as I held it in my hand it struck me as to how many other tears she had shed without our awareness. The tears of joy of a child playing with her brothers and sisters in the Ethington home near Allenville. Or the tears that only her mother could sooth after she fell and skinned her knees. The happy tears of a redheaded teenage girl in love with a man she recently met, who had just returned from the War and with whom she would spend the remaining years of her life.

The painful tears of a mother giving birth to a newborn child, a scene repeated thirteen times over two decades. And it was our tears, as babies, that she soothed as she sang the beautiful hymn, “I come to the Garden alone … “, as a lullaby. There would come tears of sympathy to be shed over her own little boy or girl, as they struggled to cope with their own skinned knees, held tightly within her loving embrace. She would become thirteen different “Mom’s,” being to each of us what we individually needed.

She no doubt has shed many tears of sadness over the unwise choices of her children, our successes and our failures. There were the tears that nearly every parent knows, those we may associate with the old adage, "This will hurt me more than it will you." Perhaps tears of loneliness as she awaited a call that didn't come, or longing for a visit we never thought to make.

And countless must have been the tears shed over the worry and care on Bonnie's behalf. To the amazement of the doctors who last attended her, Bonnie’s life was extended over five decades, thanks primarily to Mom and Dad’s deep devotion and loving care.

There were tears of grief as death claimed, one by one, the lives of her own parents, brothers and sisters, and tears most of us can't begin to fathom, those of a parent coping with the death of her own children.  In our minds’ eye we can visualize Bonnie standing at the gates of heaven, calling to Bob and dancing with joy saying “Mom’s coming! Mom’s coming!”  What a joyful reunion that must be.  Dad has said that he prayed God would allow him to live to make sure Bonnie was cared for, and after she was gone that he might do the same for Mom.  His prayer was answered. It may just be that Mom did such great battle with death and dying because she shared that prayer of taking caring of him.

Over the years Mom and Dad built not just a "house" but a home we all enjoyed regardless of the physical house we may have been living at any particular time. And she knew the joyful tears of seeing her children leave the home to start a new life and build a new family of their own. These were soon soothed with the happy tears reserved for Grandparents (many times over), Great- Grandparents, and then Great-Great-Grandparents.

Throughout the years of her long life Mom would work alongside Dad in the field, the garden, and the home to provide for those who would grow to love them most. Like the woman honored in Proverbs chapter thirty-one, "Her husband has full confidence in her" as she, in return, would bring "him good, not harm, all the days of her life" (verse 11-12). How often did we see her exhausted from a long day's work offered "with eager hands" (verse 13), helping to provide whatever we needed, day or night (verse 15), feeding and clothing us with tireless energy (verses 16-19). Even after adulthood she continued to care for our needs, such as the care given to Charlie as he recovered from the wreck near Bethany.  She would, in various ways, do the same for each of us. Such devotion is captured in a chorus of the Randy Travis song Angels:

Are you telling me that you’ve never seen an angel?

Never felt the presence of one standing by?

No robe of white, no halo in sight

You’ve missed the most obvious thing

Man, are you blind, just look in your Mother’s eyes.

Throughout the years, and especially most recently, it became increasingly obvious just how proud Dad was to be her husband. In these past few days we have seen his incredible tenderness, protection and care for her, making sure that they could end their lives together with the same love in which they began it sixty-five years ago. It was a love strong enough to last all of their lives, and is passed along to each of us. But if time could be relived, we would undoubtedly seek to give her fewer occasions for the sad tears, and fill her life with joyful ones. While it is too late for that, it is not too late for us to resolve to do that for each other and for those we meet along life’s path.

Now Mom’s hands have ceased their work, her physical suffering has finally passed, and her eyes are no longer blurred by tears. Our lives, however, remain a testament of praise, "gateways" through which we continue to praise her (verse 31). And we thank God, who promises to wipe away all tears, for the many memories she leaves in her passing. We agree with Proverbs that "She is worth far more than rubies" (verse 10).

Mom’s tear did not linger long in my hand that day, but its resulting impression is indelible.